Updates again

I need to work on my titles... lack of creativity there.

Here are the start of the socks for my Hogwarts Swap friend. I reallly like them, and it's going fast. You should see the color! (Sorry I can't show you, I'm keeping that yarn secret...)



And I also finished this self-portrait today:

Socks for Others Update

1. Hogwarts Sock Swap: I've picked my yarn AND my pattern. Whoo-hoo!
Yarn: Can't tell you, sorry. Well, I've told my secret pal, and I don't want her to accidently stumble upon my blog. But I will say that it is in a bag adrift somewhere and it upsets me quite a lot that I am missing two pairs of socks-in-progress and their yarn, two skeins of this mystery yarn, and my sketchbook. I'm stifling the panic because I really don't feel good and I don't think that I can extend the energy to turn the house upside down right now. It has to be somewhere. Has to be.
Pattern: Hello Yarn's Cable Twist Socks. I'm excited.

2. Sockapalooza: My PP (palooza pal) likes lots of color, so I am in search of a fancy yarn. I saw the comment that Jayne left on my blog yesterday about her Etsy Shop and there are somethings over there that I'm interested in... (Hi Jayne! Thanks for the comment with your shameless plug! *wink*) And I do have a pattern chosen, too. Razor Shell Socks from the Mimknits.com Online Store. I was impressed by a fellow Hogwart's Swap friend, Blackrayne, and her beautiful rendition of this pattern. This is her first sock!!! My first socks were, well, they went to my mom, so it doesn't really matter how they were, but they were definitely not this beautiful! Blackrayne has dyed the yarn herself and these are for her swap partner. But then, I also might make these Lacy Scallops socks. What do you all think? Which is better?

3. And I wanted to share a little listing of my fave sock pattern sites. Here, here and here are some great pattern directories. And a few of my favorite patterns-to-try from my bookmark list: Mirabella socks, Eyelet Cable Socks, Lombard Street Socks, Aran Braid Socks, Basic Cabled Socks and Twinkle Toes.

Now I'm off to find an antihistamine/decongestant before my head explodes.

Hooray for Loozers!

Thanks for all the comments!

I'm glad I was right about the "secretness." I thought this, but I kept seeing everyone's comments and I just wondered... I, too, have a "secret identity" where I have already e-mailed by paloozerpal (PP?). I still haven't heard from mine, though. I hope she likes purple, because I REALLY REALLY do.

:-D

Question for my Fellow Sock-a-pa-loozers

So after we broke blogger together my sockapalooza friends and I are now doing something I don't fully understand called the knit pligg where we can post urls and talk to each other.

(Hello!)

SO, I'm giving it a try with this little shout out. Forgive me if I am a bit odd... this is my first.

But I did have a question, too. We are supposed to be secret pals, right? Just checking. Secret was my understanding, but I'm not always the brightest crayon in the box, so, yeah...

I'm excited about my pal and her preferences (which just aren't too confining, really) and I'm going to run on now and find some exciting yarn and a pattern. She likes "colorful socks." Hmmm... I like colorful...

If you are a pa-loozer, stop for a sec and say hi. I'd love to meet you. If you're a friend and you're confused by this entry, say hi, too. I'm always a glutton for comments.

:-D

Sock Monkey

I am going to make a sock monkey for my friend's little monkey that's due in September. I was doing some researching tonight, and I found two sites with free patterns: The original - a vintage sock monkey pattern, and an exciting modern one. (They're pretty much the same.) And then there's the Crocheted Sock Monkey Bookmark and Sock Monkey Hat. I'm especially intrigued by the hat. I can see the whole family in one: sock monkey mom, sock monkey dad, sock monkey baby... How cute is that?

My friend, an interior designer, is making her entire baby room a sock monkey theme. I'm so excited to see it and the art that she is creating for the walls. I have to finish that dog painting so I can get into the "monkey business," too. (I know, I know, that was TERRIBLE.)

I'm watching two dogs tonight, a doberdog (not my doberdog) and a greyhound. It's thunderstorming outside and the doberdog is neurotic, so I actually have her in my lap right now. She's shaking, poor thing. The thunder seems to be subsiding though, so maybe she'll be able to relax soon.

So after my proclamation earlier today that I had too many projects, here is my happy announcement that I'm about to start another. But it's sewing not knitting... that's different, right?

Another thing about this baby being a boy. We've been discussing the lack of creative boy clothing. Why is that? My new mission is to clothe my friend's baby in just as adorable a way as any foofy pink girl. Off to investigate...

(Mom if you're reading this, get off the computer and go see if the record player works. I WAAAAAAAANNNNNNNT it! Simon and Garfunkle are calling to me from their album cases. They need me. I need them. I need a working record player.)

Pictures!

I've been so upset because my camera didn't work that I haven't been posting. But here, at last, I turned it on and it worked! Lest I lose the moment, I dragged my rear off the couch (to the kitchen, grabbing a snack on the way...) and took some photos.

I was inspired by Julia's honesty yesterday about her varied knitting projects, and I decided to post a few of the "closet projects" myself. The stash secrets. So here they are.

First, "Shrug It Off," a set of, well basically, sleeves, that my friend Rebecca commissioned. The pattern was designed by Carlynn at Shaggy Sheep, and it's fun and easy and repetitive and I'm embarrassed by the number of times I've had to rip simply because I miscounted:

It's almost completely done. Don't know why I never listed it as "on the needles" except that I'm embarrassed by the sheer number of projects I have going on right now. Here it is again, with my feet in the picture. I'm in my pajamas at 3:30 in the afternoon because I am SICK SICK SICK with a sinus infection.


And I'm not the only one. Here is Roxie:

What you can't see in the pic is that she is chewing a hole in her leg. That's right. A hole. In her leg. She chewed. Created it herself, actually. Apparently she might be a disturbed doggy. She has a vet appointment in about 30 minutes. Because she's OCD and there's nothing wrong with her but her own insanity. Much like me. She might have to get doggy antidepressants.

But back to the projects. Here's another:

It's an afghan for my friend who's getting married soon. Hopefully it will be finished before her first anniversary. There are going to be 36 squares, arranged in a not-so-random pattern. Now there are 1.5 squares. It's my mindless knitting project.

And a finished object! The Mason-Dixon Dishcloth. It was fun and simple and finished quickly. Made me feel productive (a dangerous thing).


And the most embarrassing thing ever? Here is my project for the Red Sweater Knit-Along. TV decoration:

Good thing there's no time limit, eh? I'm still frustrated with having to rip half of it out. Is it wrong to carry this sort of grudge against your knitting?

The worst part about this whole thing was having to pull all of this knitting out, and not finding it all. I am now missing my sketchbook and two sock projects, and I am highly HIGHLY distressed about it. So there should be more pictures, and there are not. I'm going to ransack the house as soon as I am feeling better.

On the art front, I am making some progress on Gracie's brother's painting. Bailey:


So those are my confessions for the day. Hope you enjoy!

I promise not to take so long to post anymore. (OK, I can't promise, but I'll try.)

An apology for varied oopses.

1) Sorry that I haven't been posting. I have been "out in the country" watching a friend's animals since Wednesday.

2) Sorry if I stole your bandwidth. I just found out last week about bandwidth theft and am afraid I have been a guilty party. But I changed all of my images over to my own server today, and I am proudly going to display this:

Please, if you've done this accidentally, fix it, too. It was a pain, but I feel better about myself now.

3) Sorry this is the end of this post. I actually *have* been doing some knitting, and I will post more on THAT later. ;-)

That is sweet earth you might say...

In honor of Earth Day, I want to suggest that we knitters look to alternative yarn sources, like old sweaters.

I went to an art show yesterday, and there was a recycle booth. All day today I'm going to try and think of other cool and unique things to knit with, and let you know what I think of by late this evening. If we're going to call ourselves "fiber artists," we've got to look outside the box! And helping reduce trash is always a good thing.

I'd love to hear if anybody has any cool suggestions...

Something Meaningful

Continuing on with the poetry theme:




Keep walking, though there's no place to get to.
Don't try to see through the distances. That's not for human beings.
Move within, but don't move the way fear makes you move.
Today, like every day, we wake up empty and frightened.
Don't open the door to the study
and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument.

Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

-Rumi

Unproductive is My Name

I haven't been posting, because I kept hoping for more productivity to post. But then today I realized that my camera is out of batteries, so even if I was productive, there would be nothing to post.

SO. A short haiku poem on the joys of unproductivity:
Lying on the couch,
Feels so nice to be useless
'Til I head to bed.

Now, I think I'm a-gonna paint. Or knit. Or something. Maybe it's time for bed again?

Wedding Weekend

And after being a bossy maid of honor (I'm in the middle):



I'm exhausted.

More tomorrow.

No Knitting Today

*gasp*

But I was so dizzy that I spent most of the day flat on my back. I didn't know that a little earwax could completely knock me over. I've never felt like that before. The doctor seemed to think I was being a bit silly by coming in and he just gave me some pills for dizziness. But truly, it was a totally frightening and new experience to stand up and just fall back over.

I leiu of knitting, I signed up for the Sockapalooza. So now there's more knitting to do. Happy thought. :-D

New Header Banner

I created this today:


The picture is my first prayer shawl, though technically it's a "lap blanket." I made it about two years ago. I was going through a very self-centered time in my life, having just gone through a very painful ending in a relationship. The church had just started a "Prayer Shawl Ministry" and I needed something to do with myself to fill up empty moments. I knew how to knit (though was only very much a beginner--I knit my stitches through the back), and so I joined. I couldn't even think of anyone to knit for, I was so full of myself. I picked purple yarn because purple is my favorite color, and the favorite color of my ex-boyfriend, so it symbolized a lot of my pain. I did pray while I knit it, and I cried a lot. After about the first skein of Lion Brand Homespun (it took 3 on size 13 needles, 87 stitches across) I began to think about who I could give the shawl to, beginning to feel a change in myself. And, ironically, the shawl belonged to my ex-boyfriend's grandmother, Mimi.

Mimi was a red hat lady, and I knew that the shawl belonged with her. When I'd finished, I had a friend crochet a red scallop border around the shawl. I gave it to her with a new feeling of wholeness and completion. It was like an ending to that chapter in my life.

Chapters don't really end in life, though. About a year later, Mimi died suddenly. (She fell in the yarn isle at a craft store, broke her hip, and died... but that's another story.) I was enlisted to care for her mentally retarded son because of my many interests and experiences in special needs adults. I went to her funeral. She was a wonderful, truly unique person and so was her funeral. Red hats and purple clothing reined. The family used my blanket to cover the table with her pictures on it. After the funeral, no one wanted the blanket I had made, so it was given back to me.

I am not friendly with my ex-boyfried (he is now happily married and expecting his first child), but I have Mimi's blanket. I have the memory of creating this first well-done knitted object and of joining the world again with me, to wrap around me. So it seemed only fitting to put it in the background of my banner. My first knitted object. The beginning of a new life, and the end of an old one.

And that's another great thing about knitting. Right now I am using the blanket to keep myself warm (the cat loves to knead the knitting with her paws, too), and it is a part of my roommate and my daily life. But it also symbolizes so many things. So many kinds of love and pain and healing. So I had to share why it is on my banner. And why I knit: because of the prayer shawl ministry, because of the color purple, because of Mimi the Red Hat Lady.

I'm a Hufflepuff!

I've joined a sock swap to prepare for the new Harry Potter book!

We have to finish a pair of socks before the book comes out on July 21st. I'm pretty excited about this... as part of the swap we're required to take a test to see which house we're in (I'm a Hufflepuff, which is what I wanted to be, happily), and then post the questionnaire on our blog. So here 'tis.

Hogwarts Sock Swap Questionnaire

1. What Hogwarts house have you been sorted into? Hufflepuff

2. Shoe size? 7.5-8 inches

3. Foot Length? 8.5-9 inches (I usually like a little snugger fit, so go for the 8.5 when I knit myself socks, but technically I'm a 9, and either's fine)

4. Foot Circumference? 9 inches

5. List your three favorite double-point needle brands, including size and length. I am not that picky, since I usually buy the inexpensive needles and splurge on yarn. I use the cheap metal kind that only come in sets of four. I'd really REALLY love to have a set of five. Currently I have two different size five sets, and it would be nice to have one complete set. Having said that, I DO like Addi turbos, and the bamboo is so pretty at the yarn store...

6. Would you like to try a new brand needle? If so, which brand? Size? Length? ANYTHING! I can get excited about anything knitting-related, so... surprise me!

7. Are you willing to have an international Hogwarts Sock Pal? Sure.

Widdershins

Yes, I have cast on for (yet) another project.

But before I go there, I want to justify it by another foot's worth of progress on the Broadripple Shawl. When I finish, I've gotten permission from the pattern's creator (remember, it was originally a sock pattern) to post my shawl version here. Incentive to keep knitting on it? After two socks and half a shawl, I really am getting a little tired of it. I've got it memorized, could knit the pattern in my sleep. And yet, I still think it is so beautiful.

SO. The new thing:

Can't tell yet? They're toe-up socks, Widdershins, to be exact. My first toe-up sock. It was fantastically hard. Those people that say toe up socks are easier are filthy liars. I had a really hard time. And I only had four needles instead of five, so that made it all the more difficult. But I'm doing it nonetheless.

And see:

Now I have a toe hat!

Happy Easter

From the Easter Dog!

Shawls for ERs (pronounced "ears")

Yesterday at Prayer Shawl Ministry meeting a new member, Pete, showed us her first shawl. She discussed how it was not very good (which was a lie, because it was very, very nice) and that she didn't have someone to give it to. She told her son that she was just going to put it in the closet and let it sit for a while. Her son said, "wait, Mom, I'll take two." (Let's set aside the fact that he said two, which was an unreasonable demand obviously coming from a non-knitter.) Pete's son is a trauma nurse at one of the hospitals. He mentioned how the other day the people in the hospital had to wrap a woman who had just lost her baby in a really old hospital blanket. How much better to have a knit shawl?

We all got chills. Indeed, knit shawls are better, and we sent Pete home with the rest of the shawls in our closet.

We blessed them all for ERs. My little thoughts and prayers go with those shawls and the many little journeys that they go out on.

Broadripples Finished!

I FINISHED Penny's socks!!! FINALLY, all of my Christmas gifts have been gifted. *Blush*

And here they are:




Roxie stuck her paw in, and I just had to include it.

Hoo-ray! Now I can cast on for new socks!

The pattern is Broadripple Socks from the Knitty Summer 2003 issue. The yarn is Diakeito Diamoment number 807 from my favorite yarn store, Shaggy Sheep. It's hard to find the Diakeito yarn, but Jan reminds me that Shaggy Sheep ships! It's thick yarn, a little too thick for the size 3 needles, but I do like how they turned out, thick and warm. They'll be great, ahem, for winter. It took 3 skeins, with only a little left over, and they are definitely sized for size 7-8 feet. I like the colors, but if I had it all to do over again (which I DON'T) I would try to match the skeins a little better so that the toes change more gradually. Anyhow, I'm pleased. They're Penny's favorite color, and I hope she will like them too. My comfort socks.

Scattered Thoughts

I went to the LYS today and looked around for a bit, rather guiltily. But I escaped, my only new item being the knowledge that I can sit and knit with the staff if ever I am lonely... and that they know my name now. (Is this good or bad, that the yarn store staff know my name?)

I have this real desire for more sock yarn, and it's getting to be a bit obnoxious. I MUST finish these that I have first. So, I went home and forced myself to knit on the pink broadripples. The PAIR will be finished by Wednesday so I can give them away. I don't know why I'm having so much trouble finishing these!

Babies are being conceived everywhere, it appears. I am excited about the prospect of knitting things for them, though. I hope every baby I know about is a girl, so that I can knit pink ruffles.

Speaking of pink ruffles, I shall soon be a bridesmaid in my sister's wedding. This, amazingly, infringes even on my life, some six hours away. How odd that we Christians have picked this one ceremony (sacrament?) to be so special. I want a Kitchenaid mixer for my baptism. What about the Eucharist? Doesn't THAT deserve a $600 cake?

I've been having this odd craving lately to go do a rosary. I'm not Roman Catholic, and although my mother is high church Episcopalian I have been an ardent United Methodist these last few years. I'm not sure what I should make of this craving, since it also coincides with the desire to learn to spin. Maybe my hands just don't have enough to do? I must learn to knit while I am washing dishes or taking a shower or reading.

I found this today. It's colored cotton. Naturally. And also sustainably. I REALLY want to learn how to spin cotton. It seems silly to have grown up all of my life with fields behind my house filled with the stuff and not know how to change it from a little poof in a shell to the thing that is one of my greatest passions--yarn. I can remember picking up the balls out of the field when I was a kid. I remember watching someone show us how to card and spin at school, and I came home, picked out the seeds, and twisted a little section into yarn. Even then I thought it was cool to see the process that changes a tiny seed into something wearable. I must find a spinner here!

Along those same lines, I am beginning to feel a deeper connection to place, to here in the South. This is also quite odd, since I've spent many years trying to figure out how to leave Texas. But as I was driving back yesterday I was admiring the openness, the sky. I saw an old woman walking back to her house and I realized that I do, indeed, love it here. This place is my place. There is room to just be here. The moon hung in the sky tonight so big, and even from my yard in this little flat city I could see the stars. I understand things here, in this place. I understand how people think and why they think the way that they do. I understand why Georgia O'Keefe came here and found her art in the plain colors. There is room here to see for miles and drive out in the country where there is nothing but red dirt and yell loudly. There is also room to sit quietly. There are terrible things here like tornados and dust storms and mud rain and wind that will drive a person crazy. There's not always a lot of appreciation for differences. But there are redeeming qualities that my friends and I ignore far too often. There is a lot of love here. Even a girl with liberal tendencies, a tattoo, and a nose ring, can be accepted by a circle of older women. There is a connection between us all. We have lived here. We have survived the drought and the rains and the open spaces, and we even dared to thrive throughout it all. We have passed down the tools throughout the generations, and there are still people to share our love with. We young 'uns often forget about respect in our need to move forward and reject the past. I think that this is what knitting does for us. It connects us back and back to our mothers and grandmothers and farther and farther. Women have always been doing this. Women must always be doing this.

It is too easy, always, to dismiss someone, to dismiss a place, as ordinary. There really isn't anything ordinary. We shouldn't work so hard to be special. The most special people are the ones that recognize the negative and decide to be positive anyway. The most special people are the ones that look at the terrible awfulness of life and decide, anyway, to love.



Well, I've waxed eloquent enough for a while. I just keep hearing how terrible this town is, how "there's nothing to do," and "nothing but narrow-minded people" and "why in God's name would anyone live here." I also, let these words slip out of my mouth, and I wanted to say, for the record, that I understant the beauty, too. I understand the importance of open space and deep connection to the earth. So there. That's enough.

Back From the Bridal Shower

My sister's shower was this weekend. Lots of people and cool stuff.

If I stay single forever, can I have a shower, too? I want a KitchenaAd mixer.

But along the drive, I finished one of the Seduction Socks:


And I also made some (albeit small) progress on the second Broadripple sock:


And now for some scrubs and the Broadripple sock again. I MUST FINISH!!!

Thursday Night at Shannah's Place

So there's wine and champagne and brownies and...

KNITTING!!!

Gifting a Painting

I went to dinner for my friend's birthday tonight, stowing the dog painting in the car as a surprise. She'd seen it, way back before Christmas, in a preliminary stage, so I thought that she would be able to guess my "surprise".

Instead she guessed several knitted objects in a row and then looked at me, totally confused. "I have no idea," she said. Her husband agreed. "All Shannah does is knit."

Apparently everyone has forgotten my many other talents.

Oh well, it was really fun to surprise her.

And just to prove how totally useless I really am as a human being: I went to Prayer Shawl Ministry tonight, completely ready to knit on my sock, and proud of my newly organized knitting bag. Each project is sorted in its own plastic bag, instructions included, and tucked away in my knitting bag. Well, I got to Knitting, pulled out the bag, the sock, the sock instructions, and began to knit. Sort of. Actually, I had a problem. Only 3 double pointed needles in the bag. So I knit on the purse instead. Sigh. Reminds me of the (many) times I've gotten my food at the food court, only to realize that I didn't have my wallet. I really need a keeper. Then I could just sit around and knit ALL day at home. I like that.

Some Wednesday Things (pre-knitting meeting)

I have the computer back! It's enough to make me giddy...

SO I mentioned yesterday that I cast on for the petunia tote last week: (It's quite a bit farther now)



I plan to work on the socks tonight at the Prayer Shawl Ministry meeting.

My roommate came home last night with a huge set of beautiful pottery that she'd finished. She told me to come to the show in the kitchen and announced "I'm a badass." And she is. They are BEAUTIFUL. I'll ask her if I can post a picture or two.

Along those same lines, I would like to announce that I, too, am a badass:



I finished this painting of Gracie this morning. She's one of my friend's dogs, a two year old great dane. I love her, and I was honored to be trusted with this portrait. I'm really happy that I pulled it off. I still have to do her cocker-spaniel brother, Bailey.

Still No Computer Cord...

...but lots of knitting.

I know the rule is to cast off before you cast something new on (especially if you already have several things on the needles...), but I couldn't help myself. I've started the Petunia Tote from Interweave Knits. It's almost halfway finished already.

I survived the tornado on Sunday and the flooding Sunday night. But today, the heat did me in. I want to write more, but my little tummy is upset and this is all I can get out today...

Good News

There is nothing wrong with the computer, just the power cord. Whew!

I spent this evening at my friend's house. I unabashedly invited myself over, but I brought thin mints, so maybe I'll be forgiven.

I am so thankful for dogs today. I know I say this over and over and OVER again, but it is so true for me. Without them, I would be truly crazy. My friend has a great dane, and her joy in seeing me was enough to put me over the moon.

I am still happy about the kitchen, too. I'm on a new streak of dishwashing.(Yes, Mom, I do wash dishes every day, despite my shock at the suggestion...) And I've made my bed every day this week. So that's two down.

I spent most of my knitting time today untangling the mass of yarn that was created when I shoved my projects into my bag after Prayer Shawl group time last night. We were able to present two shawls to the founding members of our ministry. I wanted to cry. Knitting has been so important to me over the last few years. It has been a healing process. When I re-started knitting, I was in a bad place. Learning to think of others, to create things for others, helped me get out of myself. I often underestimate the meditative part of knitting. It's not purely about creating. There's all that time in between the casting on and the finished object. I am so thankful to those two women for sharing this yarn world with me, and our connection to the hundreds, thousands, of women who have passed their knowledge down over the years. The woman who began the ministry at our church said last night, "What I didn't realize is how much I would enjoy the fellowship and how important our time together would be." I agree. I care so much for our intergenerational group... I love them all. Knitting wouldn't be the same if I couldn't meet (and bless and pray) with these women every week.

I also knitted for a bit on the "Seduction Sock," though I'm still not sure who/what I'm seducing with it. I've turned the first heel, and am busy closing up the gap so I can finish. The end is in sight! Then there's the second sock... But then I'll have my very own pair. It will be the first socks I made just for keeps.

Speaking of second socks, I think I'd better go try and at least get to the boring part on the broadripple socks. So, I'm off!

No Computer (again)

After all those thankful things, a negative post.

My power cord has finally given out. It says that it is charging, but my computer is DEAD. It won't even come out of hibernation so I can shut it down.

I've got to go get a new power cord and see if that helps. No money though. Sigh.

Things I'm Grateful For

A list today. These are the things that made me very happy today:

1. A CLEAN kitchen:


2. Pretty flowers in the clean kitchen from my roommate's family (my new favorite flowers are the purple hyacinths):



3. White tea in my favorite mug: (It reads, "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly. -Proverb")


4. Yummy seed mix (us vegetarians are easily pleased):


And, mostly,

5. A (still) exhausted dog:


No knitting today (gasp!) yet, but I may get a meditative row or two in before bed. I want to finish the prayer shawl so that I can start something from my Knitting for Peace book. I want to send something far away; I want to let my little knitting out into the world.

Knitting Update

Finally: 1) My camera! 2) Purple bedroom! 3) A tired, tired dog! 4) A knitting update!

First, the broadripple socks. In the background you can see the new knitting books, and there's a Texas map to symbolize the socks' journeying since January. (These have been a long time coming.) The second picture is my attempt to take a close up of the way the stitches look with this thick yarn. Very dense.





Next is the newest member of the USC (Unfinished Sock Club), the Seduction Socks:



And, lastly, the pioneer Broadripple Shawl, based on the Broadripple sock pattern but modified into a flat knit shawl for my Prayer Shawl Ministry group. It's Lion Brand Homespun, Nouveau, and it is for the "shawl closet," so it will go to the cancer center. Roxie was so tired I didn't even have to force her to be a model. (She got to play with the family dog this morning, come home, and have her friend Penny come over for several hours this evening. She is one pooped pooch.)



I'm not tired enough to go to bed yet, but I think that I'll go lie on my beautiful bed and each almonds (my new favorite snack!). Or maybe have some of the fancy ice cream Danielle and I found at Walmart: Girl Scout Samoa Ice Cream. WHAT? Either way, I'll be dreaming happily in my own bed tonight before I go panic at school in the morning.

Sweet dreams...

Homesick

Who knew that I could long so much for one room? I miss my purple...




I'll be home tomorrow, and then I'll miss my family.

A Splurge

I was BAD today!

BUT LOOK WHAT I GOT:

 

 

 

So now I can make things for all these friends that are having babies...

 

 

To share with the Prayer Shawl Ministry Group, and add to my volunteer list.

 

 

Just for fun! (Maybe some funny bridal shower gifts?)

 

 

There were SO many beautiful patterns in this magazine, including an afghan that I have plans for...

 

 

And one more magazine, just for kicks.

 

 

All these decadence, and I don't feel ONE BIT guilty! :-D

Excuse me, I've got to go take a long bubble bath with chocolate and some books...

No Camera

I am so angry at myself for forgetting my camera this week. I remembered it as I was turning onto the highway from my house. Oh well, I thought, surely my techno-savvy dad will let me use his, forgetting that the techno-savvy dad would take his fancy camera on the mission trip with him for Spring Break.

And so this weekend has been fulling of Kodak moments. The dear dog has been even more photogenic then usual. I long to take pictures of my brother's growing kittens. The rats, even, have been unusually cute. Sigh. ALWAYS.

And where was the video feature when my brother picked up the dog and she *ahem* expelled gas in his face? Surely that would have won us the $1,000 prize on America's Funniest Videos. Or when the cat took half of the skin off of my arm? Or when dear dog Roxie flipped completely around in the air and STILL managed to miss the tennis ball?

It seems that I record the silly mundane moments of life with my camera and neglect to bring it along when something is REALLY happening.

But I miss the camera the most because this week has been filled with knitting. I have made progress on almost every project and I am anxious, anxious to post pictures. (Let's not discuss the unfinished homework... I'm WORKING on it, okay?)

Suffice it to say that the socks are growing, the shawl is almost finished with the first skein (which reminds me: I need to go buy a second skein... so much for that "same dye lot" rule), and Abby's sweater is, well, I am about ready to move on with the self-pity now (see why with my post on the Red Sweater KAL page).

Knitting on NPR!

My favorite radio station discussing my favorite thing: Needling the Knitters

My favorite part is where Cash Peters asks, "Are you a knitting circle for enthusiasts or are you a support group for addicts?"

Yay!

On Disposable Things.

Disposable children. Disposable animals.

Why am I obsessed with these things? They are the things that speak to me. Basically, I do NOT believe in disposable things. I think everything is important, even to the most basic thing, the butterfly flapping its wings.

I think that this is why knitting is so important to me. Every stitch, every mess up, matters to the whole. Even the mistakes are important. It's the same way with animals and people. Sometimes the mistakes have even more meaning than the correct pieces. The mistakes stand out and create meaning.

Of course, these thoughts could become a bit too much. I mean, is a pop top on a can important? Well, maybe... (and on and on I go)

***I've abandoned my other blog. People can't leave comments and I don't like that. I'm going to try to figure it out, because it looks cooler and I've somehow linked this one to the wrong e-mail address. But for now, I'm back to the ol' blog. Maybe I'll change the background or something...

Christmas...EEEEEEEEK!

As of tomorrow, I have exactly one month in which to:
1. Make projects for the family. This involves three scarves, one drawing, one poncho, one painting, and some cross-stitch.
2. Make projects for the friends. This includes seven somethings. Scarves? Promises?
3. Finish my novel. This means writing the rest and then re-writing.
4. Get a loan. So I can finish school. Maybe this one shouldn't be #4.

Well, the point is that I shouldn't be blogging. There are a billion OTHER things I should be doing with my hands. Like PACKING, since I leave tomorrow for the Thanksgiving Family Feast. But I just left Roxie at a friend's house so she can hang out with her dogs, and I'm feeling a little distraught about it...

To quote a good friend, "GUT UP."

Little Cable

I now have my first knitted cable going! It's so tiny and cute--a skinny scarf perhaps? A belt? I'm feeling like a beginning knitter... the first thing I ever made was a bookmark. I'll put up pictures when I find someone with a camera.

I've been making something of myself by knitting during lunch at school. Now, I know this is strange. But Christmas is so close! I have so many THINGS to make! One of the teachers has asked me to teach her how to knit, though. How cool! My strangeness is spreading!

My computer narrowly avoided disaster yesterday when the dobersaurus crashed it off the shelf. The power cord bent, but I can still shove it into the computer. Doubtless I'm damaging something delicate inside, but my solution works and it's free, so... I'll keep blogging.

I have a novel due in two weeks. MUST STOP PROCRASTINATING. Doesn't two weeks seem far enough under the wire to keep me up at nights? Nah, nothing keeps ME up at nights. Except--there is this really cute little cable that I am working on. It's hot pink, and it's my first one, and...

Spoiled by Yarn

I just LOVE LOVE LOVE these expensive Japanese yarns!!! I had bought two skeins of Diakeito on-sale at the snobby yarn store a while back when funds were plentiful (well, if not plentiful, they were at least THERE), and then I got two more free skeins at the knit out. They are such beautiful colors, and I can really tell a difference in quality. I want to knit with them always.

Also, I'd like to try some direct-from-the-sheep yarns.

I want to learn, eventually, how to go from the sheep to the spinning to the dying to the knitting. What a feeling--to have produced the object from the very beginning.

Unfortunately, there are funding and time constraints. Oh to have a job at the snobby yarn store!

I am enjoying pretending that I can afford these yarns at the moment, though, and some people are going to have really nice Christmas gifts, if I can bear to part with them.

BTW, I am DONE with the Feather and Fan pattern when I finish this scarf. It will be time to move on.

A Work in Progress!

This is what I've been working on all weekend:

Isn't it pretty? The yarn costs $15 a skein, and I didn't buy it. It was free at the Knit Out this year. Unfortunately, the two free skeins are only 2/3 of a scarf. Oh well. I'll buy one more. It's going to make a REALLY pretty Christmas gift for an unnamed somebody.
More pictures of works-in-progress soon. Until then, enjoy some time with my dog.

There is Nothing in Life that a Little Wine and a Lot of Chocolate Won't Fix

Well, I guess there are a few things.

But tonight I feel better. After a very bad week, I am ready to move on. Gus is outside. Roxie is inside, with a bone in her mouth. I am watching TLC and about to pull out the knitting.

By golly, life can keep throwing things at me. I'll keep getting up.

But I may have a little wine and chocolate while I'm at it. Alone. With the dogs.

GOT THE COMPUTER BACK

And there's no time for blogging!

There's time for e-mail! And Instant Messaging!And finding knitting websites! And lounging on the couch with Roxie!

Hooooooooo-Rayyyyyy!

Augustus

This is the pretty boy that my roomate and I are fostering now:


Isn't he the most gorgeous thing? A fawn doberman!

Animals make me happy.

Disappointment

The hardest thought for me is the thought of disappointing someone. I have always wanted to be a star person--to be one of the really special ones.

For a while I tried to be ordinary. It was like a breath of fresh air.

But ordinary is disappointing. So I'm trying to be special again. And I can't do it. Maybe I tried so hard to be ordinary that I lost my special-ness.

Or I just need to take my medication.

I'm Never Ever Going to Graduate

My main frustration today: apparently I'm going to be a student FOREVER. And never a teacher. It makes me very very very sad.

At least I can knit on the side.

Mean Kids

Kids are so mean. As a teacher's aide, I don't know what to do about this. If I hear a comment, I can say, "Hey, don't say that," but all they learn is to say it more quietly. They always pick on people when they can't defend themselves.

The kid who doesn't speak English is the biggest bully. But how else can he communicate but in the universal language of meanness? There's not really another universal language that fourth graders share.

Friday I had to talk to two of my girls in the hall because one had told the other that she wouldn't be her friend anymore. The friendless is one of my special ed kids, so I stood out in the hall and hugged her and she hugged me so fiercely. I am not all that comfortable with touch for such an extended period of time, but I tried to stand there and hug her back and be present. She hugged and hugged until finally I had to tell her that she was OK, and it was time to go back to class.

My kid, A, wears t-shirts and holey sweatpants a lot. I want to shake his mother. Isn't it enough to be autistic? Does he have to wear weird clothing too?

And one more thing:

ISN'T SHE THE CUTEST EVER?

And she sits and lets, wait, asks for me to put it on. And she is dry in the rain. And I just love dat dog.

2 Months Down...

I haven't disappeared. I haven't given up on blogging. I've been busy, though.

I looked in a photo album today that I had titled "Shannah's Life." EVERY SINGLE PICTURE was of my dog. Hmm. What does this say about my life?

We're fostering KITTENS!!! They're very cute and cuddly. Well, that's a lie. They're very cute. Only one is cuddly. The others hide inside the recliner and refuse to come out unless I pull them out. One tried to escape through the window last night.

My computer is still broken, so blogging will continue to be few and far between. But it helps me think to write down, so I will continue!

A Clean Day

Well, actually most of today was a "dirty day," but that title seemed a bit, um, dirty...

My old place is CLEAN and NEAT and ready for a new person. I have mixed feelings about that. I guess you always do.

I had a great day with my Mommy today. She was so much help with EVERYTHING, from keeping me sane to cleaning out the oven. And she left me with a fully stocked pantry. She deserves an award of some kind. A REALLY big one.

Robinson Crusoe

Why am I enjoying a story about an 18th Century man stranded on a desert island? Why would I be fascinated with him? I don't even like him, really...

Ah. Classic Literature. "Lit-r-ture" in a snobby British accent, I say.

Knitting Group Tonight

I love these women. I love how we sit in a circle together, and how we laugh. I love that women have been doing this for CENTURIES, together just like this. Or alone just like me at home. I feel connected that way. Centuries of prayer and thread and everything.

I just need to learn how to spin wool into yarn. I know how to feed and care for the sheep. (well, goats?) So I need to learn to shear, then card, then spin and color and then I will be able to make a sweater completely. I think that might be satisfying...

But it is satisfying, too, to sort through our shawls this evening and give this extra shawl to this person on our prayer list, to assign a shawl to be made for that person, to sit and find time to INTENTIONALLY care about someone particular. There's not much time for that now-a-days.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On an entirely different note: I'm reading Robinson Crusoe and its really racist. Hmmm....should this be a banned book? Of course I don't believe in banning books, especially this one, sometimes considered the "first novel." But it's tough. We'll see how it plays out...

A Note on Comments

I know that there has been some trouble with leaving me "comments" on my postings. I changed some settings. So try again! But e-mail me too, so that I can check if they are showing up. If you post and then re-load the page, you should be able to see your comment then. If not, I have NO IDEA, and will e-mail the website to see what's up.

Because, truly, what's the point of having a blog if others can't comment on it? Then I might as well keep a diary and force everyone to read it. Or something. (Well, I'm tired. And a little lack-lustered.)

After a LONG absence...

Well my computer's broken. BROKEN. Like there's a little blinking question mark. Apparently the darn thing has lost its hard drive. (How do you LOSE a hard drive?) I should be motivated to fix this. Instead I feel like giving up the Internet entirely. I've gone without a phone. I've gone without TV. Heck, I've gone without a computer, too.

But I'm addicted! I can't check all the blogs I read...those knitting sites...environmental news...church politics... I didn't realize how much time I spend on the Internet. (But evidently my friends did. Faries asked me how I was surviving without it. Not well, Faries. Not well.)

Linda moves next week. :-( My love goes with her and the hope that she will be happy in her new place, with lots of peace and quiet. (Or noise if she wants! It's up to her.) I hope living alone is GREAT... and a wink goes with that. At least there will be no Roxie to poop in the path to the dumpster. Good luck, Linda!

ROXIE UPDATE: No pillows eated at the new house yet. No shoes eaten. Roxie has managed to accumulate one ball of barbed grass in her ear, one major ear infection, hundreds of ticks and fleas, and a new leash. Not to mention lots of new friends at the vet's office. I wonder if they have caller ID. I wonder if they have to cast lots on who will answer the phone next. I just give them my name and Roxie's name now. I don't bother with the greeting. They probably already know. I feel like the panicky mother. I shall never be able to have children. One broken bone and I will, seriously, drop DEAD.

KNITTING UPDATE: Well, I have been productive here. Everything's finished on the fun fur and black shawl except the fringe, and it finally has a recipient (the same person that I started it for, but I thought wouldn't want it--she likes it!). I hope that I can get it blessed tomorrow. (My cue to quit typing and go work on it...I'm ignoring the urge.) I actually have the baby blanket FINISHED and ready to deliver. Of course, the baby should be about ready to WALK by now, but at least he'll be warm. I also helped Danielle make a fuzzy blue-and-white hat on the Nifty Knitter. I've started two more projects, too: Tricia's pink shawl and a purple chenille blanket. On the NON-KNITTING CRAFT FRONT: I've started the mural on the wall in my new bedroom (Mom's visit this weekend will speed that process, hopefully). I have painted two silly girly pictures for the bathroom or somewhere else where fluffiness is acceptable (powder room? we don't have one). I helped Carlyn start a quilt.

I seem to be on an art boom. I'm glad. I think I might even sit down to write a story. I read before bed last night. I really don't have THAT much free time. Maybe Roxie's illness is making me stay home more. Maybe I'm losing friends. Oh well. Active hands are happy hands. Or something like that.

I've written several days worth of posts here, so that I should have caught up.

Peter, Paul, and Mary Make a Point Again

If you could somehow
Pack up your sorrows
And give them all to me,
You would lose them
I know how to use them
Give them all to me.

I know how to use other people's sorrows, but my own seem overwhelming. Why? That doesn't make sense.

I guess since it's 2:30am, I ought to go to bed. I mean, an acne infomercial is on TV. And it's even the one WITHOUT Jessica Simpson. Roxie's snoring. But after going to a move, I'm a bit wired.

And I don't want to go to bed and have to start another day. Today's been good. Can't I just stick with one day?

Un-Packing is WORSE Than Packing

"A place for everything and everything in its place."

Not so! Too bad I'm not living by myself. I think I could live with piles on the floor.

I did get my pictures hung in my room, so I'm feeling good about that tiny thing. And the bookshelf is filled, and the bathroom is done.

No more yarn! No more books! Ever! (OK, well maybe LESS yarn, LESS books.)

And the Cat Came Back...

We thought she was a goner, but:
THE CAT CAME BACK!!!

As Dad and I were moving today, the cat I tried to save and then got upset about because I didn't and was a bad animal lover, CAME BACK! She had on a pink flea collar. So she has a home! Or at least a people. She hung out in the back yard meowing at us all day, following us in and out of the back house, in and out of the alley, in and out of the gate. When we left, she was hanging out under the trampoline. I guess Roxie's absence made her come back for a little more loving.

I'm so glad that my interference didn't kill her, and I'd like to think, that, MAYBE, my interference has something to do with her plumpness and her pink flea collar. Hopefully.

Maybe good intententions aren't always bad.

Bumper Sticker

Too bad closed minds don't come with closed mouths.


And a little bitty note:
I'M MOVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


A picture of the puppy Rebecca found today (so cute!):


I think dogs do show up when they think you need them, not when you want them, and not necessarily when YOU think you need them.

Purple Dreams Await Me

I have a purple room awaiting me (as of last night), and oh I'm so happy! And I move on July 4th.

Hooray! I'm moving from the numbered streets to a lettered street. Movin on up?

A Less Noble Post

I painted last night and today. I made a painting of Roxie and one for Carlyn's room. I didn't remember how much I liked to paint, or how long it takes.

Someone told me last night that I spend too much time with my dog, and that I am far too obsessed with her. That person is right. But I don't want to change. Roxie's my crazy little beacon of love.

What's Really Important Isn't My Aching Foot

It's been a good day. I saw a stupid silly movie that I think may have helped change something in my head (in a good way) and had a long talk with Carlyn.

I don't know what to do with my life, or if I can do much of anything. But, I figure, I can love.

I'm not good at walking straight (hence the sprained ankle) or at running or at looking beautiful or eating well or laughing daintily, but I think I might be good at loving people.

And that's an OK talent to have, I think, even if it is a small little talent.

I'm going to keep practicing. I want to be the best at loving people. I want my heart to be open wide and let everyone walk in, because it's true: there's always enough to go around. I know this because there have always been so many people to love me. I can almost feel all of their arms around me right now. The best way I can love them back is to wrap my arms around someone else -- around as many someone elses as I can.

So what does my job matter, really? Or where I live? Or when I graduate?

I just need to get up in the morning, let Roxie out, and love myself first. Then I can conquer everyone else.

Foot Hurts

I guess I really have to give in and go to the doctor about this silly footsie of mine.

I didn't have anything to do today but sit at home and knit! :-D It was WONDERFUL!!!

I made a really skinny long scarf out of red Sensations Bedazzle, some really cool yarn that I've had for a while, and I added about 8" on my black and fun fur thing. So, I worked on two things that don't have any recipients, and neglected the projects that people are WAITING for...

Today I want to be an Early Childhood Intervention teacher, like Penny is. And I wanted to be that since Thursday. A whole week of the same future! This is almost unheard of. We'll see where I go from here.

I need some serious motivation, FAST. Like, a swift kick in the butt or something. I feel like giving up. ONLY six months. ONLY six months. Then money.... Why aren't I motivated about all that?

If I want to do EDI, I have to take another 12 hours. But hey, then there might be something that I LIKE doing waiting for me.

Home Again, Home Again

This morning I laid in bed with Roxie for a long time, petting her. She was snuggled up next to my stomach, so that we could feel each other breathing.

This evening I made cupcakes and Carlyn made frosting.

I am tired. This blog is tired, too.

As soon as "Batman Returns" is over I'm going to bed.

Names

I love Madeleine L'Engle's name. I love how monks rename themselves for their new lives, and how at baptism you take on the name "Christian."

Just now I sat in front of my computer screen for thirty minutes trying to come up with a name for myself on yahoo chat. I can't think of a single thing that is unique enough to create a name about. Years ago, I was sh_veggie. But I can't define myself tonight. Except by Roxie, and that seems sad. Or knitting, and that seems sadder. Roxie ate my favorite shoes while I was gone, apparently. Now they're gone. Everything is gone except for her. Sometimes the only way I can define my future is through her. Her energy gives me hope. She gets me out of bed. She defines me and my life.

(I suppose I defined Roxie though. Natural ears and tail because I didn't crop or dock them. Purple collar. Attitude that I chose not to crush into scared submission. "Roxanne" because she's red and the first time I met her my friend and I sang "Roxanne" to her. How would she be different if I'd named her something plainer like "Girl" or more foofie like "Queenie"?)

But if I could brand myself, how would I do it? I couldn't just now, so I gave up chatting for the evening. I just really can't figure out how to define who I am. I want to be ordinary, but I don't feel like I'm that either.

Maybe I'm not really brandable. I wonder could brand me. I'm not really a "Tech" girl. I'm not a "vegetarian." I'm not someone's mother or someone's girlfriend. I feel like I'm everyone's daughter and sister. These are good things, I know.

It seems stupid to brand myself as an "animal lover." People laugh at that. But maybe I'm that person, too: I like to make people laugh. Why can't I define myself? I've never wanted to be a person who couldn't define who they were and what they believed and who they wanted to be. But tonight, and a lot lately, I feel a little adrift. It's just too overwhelming, all this figuring out who I am and what I'm going to be. And it's overwhelming watching everyone else define themselves. Why is life coming together around me and mine still stretches on before me like a forest full of trees, so that I can't see any path at all?

At the funeral, Mimi was named "Queen Mother."

How can I be named?

My Future Is Laid Out Before Me, & It Smells Like Dogs

I am going to be the maiden aunt. With a bunch of dogs and cats. Who never gets married but lavishes expensive gifts on her beloved nieces and nephews. And that’s OK. Really. I’m looking forward to it.

I’m so glad that everyone around me has their lives working out. I’ve been worrying about them, and things are good. People are getting married, getting good jobs and dogs and puppies and children. And I’m so happy to see things working out around me.

There’s only the teeniest part of me that wonders why things AREN’T working out for me, why I finally get enough money to pay my new house’s rent for July and then I get a speeding ticket. 52 in a 40. I don’t understand why.

I killed my virtual Chia Pet because I didn’t water it. Seriously, if I kill VIRTUAL pets, how can I keep a GARDEN alive. I don’t like plants. They’re so delicate and PICKY.

Gripe, gripe, gripe. And a sigh. And a positive thought to go to bed on: Carlyn is caring for my Roxie-pooh better than I do when I’m at home.

And by the way, there is nothing stranger than riding along as a nanny with your ex-boyfriend’s family to a funeral. Really. That deserves an entire memoir all to itself.

Another Pillow Down

And this time NOT MY FAULT!!!

I blame CARLYN for leaving her own pillow down while watching Roxie. Haha!

18 down.

King of the Hill Thoughts

Hank: Bobby, you can't be a Buddhist, we're Methodist.
Bobby: I've been meaning to ask you: what is Methodist?
Minister: Methodism is a rejection of Calvinism.
Hank: You see, Bobby, you can't be the Lama.

Some words of wisdom from "King of the Hill."

Character

It's not often that you are in a room with the two people who possibly hate you the most in the entire world. I mean, one person is rare enough. But, as a friend said, "it builds character." So I stayed in the room, and it wasn't that bad. I don't hate them. I think THAT'S the important part. As long as I am OK with myself, I am OK in the room with anybody. Like Elinor Roosevelt's over-quoted "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."

But it's hard.

Why do I have to keep on making everything really difficult? Then, I have to push through it and "build character." I'm tired of character. I want to be a selfish rich person.

And it's raining, so I might melt if I go get a coke. Poo poo on that. I'm staying in with Roxie. No more character for me.

Dying

I've always thought that death really can't be all that bad, or it wouldn't happen to all of us. I mean, the really good ones would live forever, maybe, or float off into space, waving happily back at all of the rest of us. There are all sorts of better ways to "go" than to DIE. Rapture. Chariots of Fire. Walking with God off into the sunset.

But no. We have to die.

As an artist, I have to say that this ending doesn't show that much creativity on God's part.

And it sure hurts everyone else left behind.

I Love My Sweet Dog

We went to a friend's house tonight, and Roxie was affectionate, and gave kisses, and didn't bother the cats TOO much.

No cable until next Monday! That's the earliest they can come out. How will I survive? I'll blog a lot. And play with the dog. And knit. And paint. Hmm... no cable ever?

I called everywhere begging for them to take the cat today...apparently all of the shelters are full. I'll keep calling. I can be persistant. I really DON'T want to take her to the pound so that she gets put to sleep.

Why are people on TV so thin? I thought the camera was supposed to add ten pounds. Am I honestly going to believe that these people are ten pounds skinnier then they look? I'd like to have a gap between my thighs, too. Then I'd cut my hair very short and dye it blond. And look like my skinny mother did in college instead of the scary lump I am right now... Not for long! I'm in a great group with my friends and we're all going to be skinny women!

World's Longest Scarf!

Oh so cool:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/5051546.stm

And I know that I'm not the only one who'll appreciate it. THAT'S some knitting.

And the fun blog I read it on:
http://scrubberbum.typepad.com/

Some Notes For Today

I made this logo (it will change and get better) for our new University/Youth hot spot upstairs at church: "The Parking Lot." We're starting work on it, and it's going to be GREAT, a place to come do homework, hang out between classes, and drink coffee. We're redoing the whole room. My contribution is going to be a logo and some signs... ;-)


At work, we got permission to make our full-color newsletter that I've worked so hard on. And I'm becoming a BULK MAIL expert. I've read the USPS's book pretty thoroughly... This has to be useful for something.

CAT UPDATE:
She made a break for it around 10:00 tonight, somehow getting out of the bathroom and out of the door and hiding under a chair while Roxie barked bloody murder. Caught! She didn't really want to run away anyhow. I'm calling some animal groups tomorrow since there's no bite on a home for her and she has to be gone before I go help Dad and Shirley and Zach move in this weekend. I am not attaching myself to her. She has no name. We are spending NO BONDING TIME together. 5 minutes, to get food, that's all.

A Long Day and No Place To Lay My Weary Head

I don't have a pillow to sleep on this evening. The dog ate mine. 17 pillows down. And I need to rewind a BUNCH of yarn. She wreaked total havoc while I was at Rebecca's birthday party. TOTAL HAVOC. My house looks like it imploded.

And she ate a TEA BAG. Why? Why eat a tea bag? That can't have tasted good. That is MAJOR boredom.

I need to NEVER leave my house in a hurry. I need to always spend lots of time with Roxie. Every day.

Zach's blanket is steadily growing! I'm on the SECOND stripe!!! (Luckily it was in the front house and didn't get eaten.)

Cat update: Still happy, eating a lot. A few people at church today thought that they might be able to help find her a home. Yay! I knew I wasn't being totally silly. Carlyn is majorly helping with her...she's such a good roomie! May have cat pictures tomorrow.

Here's a sign that I made a couple weeks ago for Faries and her cute little rat terrier, Otis:

(The blurriness is the bad photographer (me) and not the painting...)

Stray Cat

I am in the hole -- I have no money.

There was a stray cat on Austin's porch tonight. I tried to leave her. She wouldn't be left. She's beautiful, black and white long hair, has had kittens recently. She would NOT leave us or Austin's porch. She is only bones...

I was afraid that the cat would fall victim to blow-gun practice, as other cats on that porch have before.

So I took up donations ($8.50!) and took her home, where I had a cat carrier, cat food, and cat litter already from past strays and a house cat. She is residing in the bathroom. I haven't spent any of the money on her yet.

OH PLEASE someone reading this want a beautiful, sweet, YOUNG, female cat. I'll drive her anywhere. She probably just needs a good flea dip, a rabies shot, spaying, and lots of food and love.

I almost left her, truly, and I've left 3 cats this month, but this one WOULD NOT be left.

Mom, Dad, please don't be mad at me--neither one of you have a real cat... Want one?

A Not-So-Dark Day

SUCH A GOOD DAY!

Tonight my friends and I went out to the restaurant/winery with Rebecca and her mom. Her mother treated us to all sorts of delights in honor of Rebecca's birthday--wine, fruit and cheese, dessert. Rebecca looked beautiful. The food was delicious, the company better, and the laughter flowing.

We meet at a nursery for class tomorrow. Should be fun.

I like all these artsy-fartsy things. I was born to be an aristocrat, but unfortunately the inheritance didn't follow.

My sister and her boyfriend should be engaged soon!!! Here's a picture of them, back at Christmas. I'M SO HAPPY FOR THEM!!!

Tired, But Not Giving Up

It's so hard to remember that having depression is just like having your arm cut off, EXCEPT you can't see it...

It's so much easier to feel sorry for yourself and lie in bed and wish that life wasn't so overwhelming.

I was doing so good at being pro-active. It's just so TIRING. I'm not really a pro-active person. I'd rather wait for things to come to me.




(AND MOM, I know you're reading this because you're the only person who actually reads my blog, YES I am fine. Don't worry about me. I'm over-exaggerating because it makes me feel better.) :-)

Boys and Puppy Dogs

I was going through the photo albums from last year at work today and *BAM* there was a picture of an ex-boyfriend. Shouldn't have been a big deal--I haven't even seen him in MONTHS, but it surprised me. And what a great picture! He was standing there in his ambulance, surrounded by kids. He looked oh so happy, so much happier than he ever did in pictures with me. And how telling, how wonderful! He now can be that, can be just happy all the time. I haven't seen any pictures of him lately, but I like to imagine him happy in them, just like I see happiness in my pictures lately.

It is hard to acknowledge that you made someone you love miserable. And really hard to understand, even hard for me to understand as a member of the miserable relationship.

But it's good to have gone through it all. It is good to live through anything, and to be continually growing.

I, too, will be very happy with someone else someday.

But for now, I am very happy with my beautiful dog. She keeps me going. She comforts me. She challenges me to get out of bed every day. And coincidently, she was a gift from the man in the picture. BUT beyond that, she is MINE. She sits on my feet when my friends visit. She lays beside me, curved into me, on the outside so that she can look out the window to protect me. She tears up my junk mail and bad pictures and things that I hate. (She tears up things that I like, too, but oh well.) She jumps up beside me when I come home and rubs her nose all over me until I pet her and nuzzle her back. I've always been a cat person until I got this dog. She truly is the love of my life, and I don't feel any negative feelings at all saying that. She's saved my life. (But that's a story for another day.)

After a 12 Hour "Nap"

Everything seems SO much better! (Except my stomach hurts, but that's probably residual from the MASSIVE headache I had yesterday).

I closed my eyes at 8:00 last night, woke up at 3am and turned off all of the lights, and woke up now (7:45) to a new outlook. I'm cleaning this morning, since class A has been canceled. (And nursing my poor little tummy--perhaps 3 Ibuprofen WERE too many). THEN I'm going to call the cable company and get my cable fixed! YAY!!!

Roxie is a wonderful, sweet, affectionate, darling little thing, and I'm so glad that she puts up with me not treating her like a proper dog.

I'm going to go knit while my clothes are in the dryer.

Everything is Wilting, Including Me

Does death follow me? Is this why I work at a hospice? Is this why plants wilt when they see me coming?

My cable is dead for the second time in as many weeks. And my house is a pit, so I have to clean my house so that the cable guy can come. You know, it might be rather appalling for him to come in and see dead bugs. And what does that mean about a house when even the BUGS are dead?

The air-conditioning unit is dying, too. It keeps going off and then coming back on and then fading and then getting stronger. It's really hot in the house, but it's hotter outside, so...

Roxie is making a ruckus outside, and I don't care. OK, I do, but for personal, selfish reasons. Not because I care about the neighbors.

My Dobersaurus Strikes Again

The weekend's over. Sigh. :-)

April will be back in Lubbock in a week and a half! Yay!

See at left. While I was in the shower, Roxie tore a hole in my newest pillow (it lasted almost 2 weeks). I CAUGHT her this time, though. She seemed appropriately submissive after being yelled at...but will probably do it again. In fact, there is no doubt in my mind that she will do it again. The pillow was salvageable with a little thread and a needle, so I didn't have to spend the $5 to get another pillow.

No knitting this weekend, but I did paint two signs (photos to come). Then Roxer demolished the rest of my wood supply from Dennis, so I won't be making any more signs for a while.

If I hadn't microchipped Roxie, I could sell her to some gypsies for a profit.

"Dark Day"

I used to have these days in high school that I called "dark days" because my outlook was so dim to begin with and it only got dimmer as the day went on. Today was like that.

I have such good friends: Faries, Carlyn, Rebecca. Such a good church. Such a good, well, such a um, DOG.

A free Mary Kay pedicure today, so I have pretty toes and new flower flip flops. (If I had a camera, I'd take a picture...)

Roxie's weird bruise-pocket thing is still the same. I hope we don't have to put a drain in: $$$. At least it's not infected.

My day started with burying Nila. Which was like what burying a dog always is like. Then the day got better. We played with the darling puppies. Two are adopted! Yay! Cute Shiba Inu & Mini Schnauzer mixes (yes, it's very odd, if you know either breed). They have the funniest wirey hair. Now there's only Betony (Tony) and Raygun to be adopted. Raygun weighs 32 pounds already!!! He's a great guy, though. And Tony is so shy and yet really affectionate. Tony's the only picture I can find: They're finally all neutered so they can go as soon as they find someone to be their owner.

I really need to find a job that pays for me to play with dogs and tell the public about them...

(MY WEIGHT: 160 lbs. Oh God. I'm almost to where I was when I lost all that weight. I need to do something. Very badly.)

A Poem From the Church Newsletter

This is so good. (Except it reminds me of my entomology class, and that was rather unpleasant...) By Mary Oliver.

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean --
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down --
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thouroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through
the fields, which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?


What is it that I plan to do? I would like to have a wild and precious life.
(I have to go help dig a grave for one of the sanctuary dogs tomorrow. That's one wild and precious life. Remember Nila, the sweet, beautiful yellow lab who never got adopted into a real home.)

Thoughts on Strangenesses

Well I'm exhausted. But the first week of school is over! And the newsletter at work is almost finished (another week before we get the published 11,000 puppies and a week after than until the GIANT mail-out, but still...)--it looks pretty darn good, too. Lots of improvements this time.

I stopped by Starbucks this morning and picked up an application for a job--at this point ANY job will do, especially one that could complement Hospice at nights. The funny thing about Starbucks is that there was a guy there that I kinda dated a little bit. It's always strange to run into people out of context, and stranger to think of working with them in a different context altogether.

I spent a happy morning in class today drawing leaves. I'm going to make a flower garden in the bed in front of our house, I think. I was impressed with myself and how many plants I knew and what I knew about them. When did I learn that Central Park was a garden? Or how to identify Silverleaf Nightshade and Verbena? Or that tomatoes, too, were a Nightshade? I guess I absorbed a lot through my little farm living. Class has been at Lubbock Lake Landmark, and that's an interesting place. I wonder what people 100 years ago would have thought if they knew that we would be trying to RESTORE the prairie lands to their original shape -- the "gardeners" of this site are pulling OUT mesquite trees and planting prairie grasses and flowers. It's odd that there have to be "gardeners" to return a place to its natural shape. Odd what we've done to the earth. Lubbock Lake Landmark is the oldest continuously inhabited place in North America. Odd, too, that Lubbock would be the oldest place here. Who EVER wanted to live here? I feel connected to GENERATIONS of young adults now...

I'm off to SLEEP If I have to sleep for 12 hours starting at 8:00, I WILL. Tomorrow is a long day, too. I'm working on the newsletter all weekend.

Peas, Newsletters, and Dreams

It's newsletter crunch time at Hospice again! I'm taking the opportunity, as I set margins and fix typos and add clip art, to work on boundaries. The newsletter IS important to me, but the Art of Gardening is more important, Roxie more important still, and my mental health the MOST important. A hard lesson.

I've been having the strangest dreams during my four to five hours of sleep a night. I do a lot in them. Mostly eating. Or ordering food (after a long decision-making process), and then waking up before I get to eat it. It's all very disappointing.

My homework tonight is to draw a detailed vegetable, like a tomato or an apple. I think I'll rebel and draw a pea. They're all round, anyway.

A brief update:
Roxie walk status--fair.
Boundary at work status--fair.
Attending class status--VERY GOOD. (Hey, it's only been 2 days!)
Healthy eating status--very poor.
Homework status--incomplete.
Overall mental status--fair to good

Knitting is good for my psychological being. I think I'll finish up those booties. Maybe the pea drawing will help, too.